One of the deepest desires of human beings is appreciation. We feel good when someone praises us, acknowledges our efforts, or recognizes our contributions. While appreciation is a natural part of relationships, many people unknowingly fall into the trap of living for it. They begin to depend on others' validation for their happiness, losing themselves in the process.
This brings me to a real-life story of my friend Roopa (name changed). Her journey is one that many can relate to, and it holds a powerful lesson for all of us.
*Roopa’s Story: The Need for Approval
Roopa was a devoted wife and daughter-in-law who spent years trying to please her mother-in-law. She would constantly seek her approval, making sure every little thing—from household chores to how she raised her children—was done according to what her mother-in-law liked. She thought that if she did everything right, she would be appreciated, valued, and loved.
But no matter how hard she tried, appreciation never came. Instead, she felt exhausted, unfulfilled, and often questioned her own worth.
*Kirti’s Story: The Power of Self-Contentment
Years later, Roopa’s sister-in-law, Kirti, came into the family. She had a completely different approach to life. She was calm, composed, and never sought anyone’s validation. She lived life on her own terms.
One day, their mother-in-law told Kirti the same thing she had always told Roopa—how she used to wake up early, cook fresh meals, and manage everything perfectly when her son was young. Instead of feeling pressured to follow the same routine, Kirti simply smiled and replied, "Maa, you did an amazing job! I am a little lazy, so I have my own way of managing things."
That one sentence changed everything.
Their mother-in-law did not argue or force Kirti to change. Instead, she felt acknowledged and stopped interfering. Kirti had given her respect, but at the same time, she remained true to herself.
*The Key Difference: Self-Esteem vs. Seeking Approval
This experience opened Roopa’s eyes. She realized that for years, she had been living for external validation, while Kirti was living for herself.
- Roopa depended on others’ appreciation to feel good.
- Kirti was already content within herself and didn’t need outside validation.
This is the core difference between living for approval and living with self-esteem.
*What Do You Choose?
Many of us, like Roopa, live in the hope of being appreciated. But true contentment doesn’t come from outside. It comes from within. When we stop depending on others’ validation, we start living freely, confidently, and joyfully.
*Are you living for others' approval, or are you living for yourself?
*A Timeless Wisdom from the Bhagavad Gita
This lesson is beautifully captured in the Bhagavad Gita:
उद्धरेदात्मनाऽऽत्मानं नात्मानमवसादयेत्।
आत्मैव ह्यात्मनो बन्धुरात्मैव रिपुरात्मनः॥ (भगवद गीता 6.5)
Translation:
"A person must elevate themselves by their own mind and not degrade themselves. The mind is a friend to those who control it, and an enemy to those who don’t."
When we learn to appreciate ourselves, when we stop depending on others’ validation, we set ourselves free. The mind becomes our best friend instead of our biggest enemy.
Another verse from the Bhagavad Gita further deepens this lesson:
यः सर्वत्रानभिस्नेहस्तत्तत्प्राप्य शुभाशुभम् |
नाभिनन्दति न द्वेष्टि तस्य प्रज्ञा प्रतिष्ठिता || २.५७
Translation:
"One who remains unattached under all conditions, who neither rejoices upon receiving good nor laments upon receiving evil, is firmly fixed in perfect wisdom." (Bhagavad Gita 2.57)
This verse tells us that true wisdom lies in not being affected by praise or criticism. When we seek constant approval, we become slaves to others' opinions. But when we are self-sufficient, external words—whether good or bad—do not shake us.
*Your Life, Your Choice
So, what will you choose?
Will you continue seeking appreciation, letting your happiness depend on others?
Or will you cultivate inner contentment and live life on your terms?
Roopa’s realization changed her life. She started focusing on her own happiness, not just on pleasing others. You, too, have the power to make that shift.
Remember: Appreciation feels good, but true fulfillment comes only from within.
Let’s stop living for approval and start living for ourselves.
*What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever found yourself caught in the approval trap? Share your experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear your journey!
Manjushree Rathi
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